Trail of Beers 2: This time It’s personal.
Care of The Riso/Pott/Foo bartender’s guide:
6oz 25 yr old scotch, packet pathmark ice tea, serve with skittles in slurpee cup.
Steal cup when finished
4oz sambuka, 3oz marbles, 2 oz cheese, shake.
When drink arrives, return because it is not done right. Repeat.
1 pint sand, garnish with marshmallow
One long, thick, firm banana. Douse in captain Morgan’s spiced rum, light on fire.
One pair size small white cotton panties, soak in Absinthe, chew until intoxicated.
Soak 8 oz raw filet mignion in Hennesy VSOP, serve in oversize brandy snifter.. Swirl knowingly.
3oz Courvoissier, serve on gyrating buttocks of naked brazilian stripper.
Pay repeatedly, never get drink.
Whatever you say he should drink. Serve in high heel, dirty ashtray or dog bowl. (You still out there, Katz? Poke yer bald head up once in awhile!)
1 tub lard, 6 oz bitters. Blend well, make someone else drink it.
Anything, served neat.
Schnapps with a corona chaser, pass for white.
Colt .45 and Manichevitz. Drink loudly.
1 pt guiness, one bottle tabasco,one pack cigarettes. Blend with brick, serve over urinal cake.
6oz coconut rum, 3 oz pineapple juice, ice. Blend, drink hastily,leave in the middle of the night, don’t look back, burn bridges behind you.
2 oz each of Grappa, Sambuka, Campari, Amaretto and Mad Dog 20-20. pour into jelly jar, deep fry, garnish with back hair. Serve warm.
The Ah Pook:
1 oz Adrenachrome, 1 human pineal gland, 1 pint raw ether, 2 tabs blotter acid. Shake in leather glove, give to roomful of underage girls and farm animals. Videotape.
1 bottle orange crush, 2 tablets Prozac, 2 oz bitters. Serve with a slap.
14 year old Sake. If waitress is not supermodel, ignore it.
Strong drink, creeps up on you and usually gives you the giggles. No one knows what’s really in it, and it often cannot be found.
Wear the right clothes, go to the right bar, talk to the right girl.
Make the perfect martini.