I post here often when I am working things out, or overwhelmed by some feeling or another. Sometimes I try to be funny, when I am in a good mood. It has been pointed out to me that often Innuendo is “dark and obtuse”. (Actually, I kind of like that.) But that often I do not come across as … positive.

I know at least one person who reads here hoping that my sky is falling at last. Like my own phantom Chicken Little of Doom, she clucks, pecks and scratches hoping that “karma will finally work fast enough” for her. I suppose whan that happens, milk and honey will run like… well, milk and honey (Dosen’t that get messy?). It will rain gold coins and dollar bills, all will be right with the world, joy and happiness will prevail, the scales of injsutice will finally balance in her favor, and the earth will crack open and swallow me. The righteous will ascend in some kind of Flying-saucer-winnebago-Rapture, forever and ever, world without end, allelujia. Everybody gets a cookie. Hooray. Great rejoicing.

But until then, it’s time to post about how good things can be.

Right now is one of those times. Things are waking up which I was afraid were gone or dead. Scars have healed stronger. The momentum in my life makes me think that things I had feared impossible were within reach; and things I was afraid were lost forever had never really gone.

I am better than I have ever been.

My animal has proved to be the right choice at the right time; I have decided to keep her. The muscles I needed to flex are showing power and strength, the challenges I needed to face have presented themselves to show me how I have changed, where my new strengths are, why I needed the Blessing I received.

I have hope. Hope gives me strength, patience, and drive. (And, I hate to lose.)

Nothing is ever perfect. Things are, as always, a work in progress. Everything is, and everyone should be.

Everybody pays.

But it’s nice when you get to see what you have paidfor, and know it to be worth it, to get up on new legs and find yourself stronger than when you were knocked down.

I’m sure the check will come again, it always does… but that’s just a reminder to stay in the Land of the Living, and find joy where you can. I have the holy trinity lavished in my life currently- the comfort of luxuries and adoration, the most elemental connection to myself, and the indescribable joy of causing another human being severe physical and emotional agony, and have them crawl back for more after they have been broken. Sushi, sex and sadism.

I am fed.