Things are in motion- great leviathans, moving slowly around me. I <\/p>\n
can’t see them- just feel the water pressure changing. Ponderous, massive, but <\/p>\n
fluid. It’s a place of launch windows, of quantum physics.<\/p>\n
I dreamed about a window the other night. I got too close, realized I could <\/p>\n
fall, and backed away.<\/p>\n
Hashi Lebwohl would call this a quantum junction, or somesuch. Events <\/p>\n
proceed, they move. but one can either tell where one is, or where one is going. <\/p>\n
Quantum particles, on the macro scale of personal- even metaphysical dynamics.<\/p>\n
The volume has been turned up. People are hearing me who I did not mean to <\/p>\n
call. And I am no longer in the eye of the hurricane- now I get to tumble with <\/p>\n
everybody else. Oddly enough- that’s good.<\/p>\n
I was thinking about my friend<\/p>\n Sierra.<\/b> <\/a><\/p>\n Sierra served in my house for a time, and had come to NY from the wilds of NJ <\/p>\n to seek Estate training. She began a short term personal contact with me, and <\/p>\n moved in. Things with Zoe were already drawing towards their inevitable end… <\/p>\n entropy was increasing. The center could not hold. I had stopped really caring, <\/p>\n and just let the downward spiral continue. This was the environment that Sierra <\/p>\n had entered, and it took it’s toll. My energy was low, my resources drained. I <\/p>\n was unable to provide for Sierra the environment I had committed to.<\/p>\n I learned a lot from that time. Sierra and I turned out to be better friends <\/p>\n and roomates than Sir and servant; and I gained an important person in my life. <\/p>\n So did my friend<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Little H<\/a> (Rizzo), and I have come to feel that my household was a launch <\/p>\n window for Sierra, rather than a destination. I regret my inability to be what I <\/p>\n should have been, but I don’t regret how it turned out. I see how she’s doing <\/p>\n here in NY, and I’m proud I was a part of it’s coming to be. <\/p>\n I am not proud of my stumbling- and am never making those mistakes again. And <\/p>\n her website<\/a> rocks. <\/p>\n Ungodly offensive.<\/p>\n Nothing really starts anywhere – you just grab a thread where you find it and <\/p>\n pull as long as you are able. The threads don’t end- you just stop being part of <\/p>\n the weave. But for purposes of The Monster and it’s dancing, we’ll start with <\/p>\n Sierra. <\/p>\n I spent a lot of really good time with Sierra in my house. Maybe better than <\/p>\n she is aware of. Unless her socks were wet. She turns into a cranky bitch when <\/p>\n her socks were wet. But I digress. Among other things, Sierra knew how to <\/p>\n listen, and I never had to try to teach her. Unless she had three beers. Or her <\/p>\n socks were wet. But again, I digress.<\/p>\n Among other things, Sierra turned me on to Everclear. Two songs have been <\/p>\n slamming through my head pretty consistently as of late. They tell me where I <\/p>\n am, or where I’m going. But never both. <\/p>\n "Don”t Fall Down". <\/b><\/p>\n A reminder. <\/p>\n "Don’t fall down now, you will never get up." <\/i><\/p>\n The time for such luxuries is past. Events are moving. <\/p>\n Where I am.<\/p>\n "One Hit Wonder"<\/b><\/p>\n "He knows if he ever ever gets to try, he’ll bite down hard to make the <\/p>\n monster cry."<\/p>\n He knows if he ever ever gets the chance, he’ll sell his soul to make the <\/p>\n monster dance"<\/i><\/p>\n Where I’m going.<\/p>\n Massive shapes are moving, windows are opening. <\/p>\n In my dream, I went to the window, and was afraid I would fall.<\/p>\n Then as I was backing off, I became aware that I was afraid for no reason. I was <\/p>\n dreaming. If I chose, I could fly. Lucid dreaming- I’ve done it before, <\/p>\n especially during metaphysical spike points- and this is the biggest one of <\/p>\n those I have ever had. <\/p>\n I attempted to return to the window, to take the invitation.<\/p>\n It was too late. I missed<\/i> it.<\/p>\n I have been warned.<\/p>\n I don’t want to miss another. I have made some sacrifices to get this far, <\/p>\n I’ll make more. <\/p>\n We are so close to our shot that we are living in The Monster’s shadow. <\/p>\n Metaphysically. Financially. The business, the Estate, my life, my passions. For <\/p>\n the first time, my goals<\/i>.<\/p>\n There are people behind me now. Pushing. Since the Property, my whole life <\/p>\n has changed, and I am part of it- not watching it go by. I’ve never had to walk <\/p>\n the high wire before- it was easier to just drop, because once you were on the <\/p>\n bottom, there was no place to fall. The broadcast power has been upped, the ante <\/p>\n with it. <\/p>\n Now I want<\/i>.<\/p>\n And I will not miss my chance. <\/p>\n I’ve been warned. I know where I am. I know where I need to go. Now I need to <\/p>\n know how to get there, and have the guts to cover that distance… to brave the <\/p>\n window when it comes again.<\/p>\n To the three witches in this play- the boy, the beggar child and the swamp <\/p>\n witch – thank you. To Sierra, sister, friend and confidante- thank you. To <\/p>\n Tink, all carnival glass and hammers- thank you. To Zoe- thank you as <\/p>\n well. I learned … a lot. To Soulhuntre<\/a> <\/p>\n