That’s the name of one of my favorite books- a collection of short stories by Ray Bradbury. It always resonated with me, that idea. I’ve voiced it a few ways, and it seems to ripple through my life. Autumn, as I’ve mentioned, really is my season. <\/P>
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Last year at this time, I was undergoing a defining process of epiphany and ruin. I was in The Works<\/A> (coming soon). Utterly life changing, burnt down to the foundations- and given the chance to build something better. There have ben changes, profound ones. I am just as pleased to note that I am not alone, that Soulhuntre <\/A>is entering his own space of empowerment and realization. in their own ways, so are my twin, my boy, and my animal. It’s a good season, and the only season I honestly celebrate- from now until the New Year, this is my time, and my Mother’s time.<\/P> <\/P> I have achieved something this Autumn, I think I have honored my compact with my Mother and my twin. It’s not a finished work, and I hope it never will be- but it’s good. It’s what I have been chasing as far back as I can remember. An internal conflict which has always troubled- and sometimes paralyzed- has finally come home to me. It’s about me, my animal. our nature, about finding the core of why we braved nine months of insanity to make this work. = <Core Submissive State><\/STRONG> —–<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/546"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=546"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/546\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=546"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=546"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=546"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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Our structure is reinforced by it, but there are no sweeping pronouncements
about the world, or generalized belief about anyone’s place as a gender or
race- just my animal’s place in MY world. (A servant had once been in the
habit of telling me “It’s your world, Sir.”<\/EM> It occurs to me that I never
really understood that until now.)
The details are both personal and irrelevant- but my animal had a quirky
kink that I was experimenting with. If I had left it at face value, it would
have been a role- play thing, and I dislike role play. It makes me feel like
I am distancing myself from my dynamic, rather than living it- just a
personal predjudice.
But what I did is, well, what I do. I tried to figure out why this odd kink
had such a profound effect on my animal. What I eventually intuited was
something which fit into everything else I know about her, and made it all a
cohesive whole.
<Fetishized object> = <fetishized idea> = <living as second class citizen> = < universally\/ culturally supported lack of options> <\/STRONG><\/P>
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For my animal, it was like “finally coming home, being where she ultimately
belonged.”
What this was for ME was the breaking of a last internal barrier. The
barrier that said “We are all equals here, really<\/EM>“.
No, we are not. Not even at the core of us. My animal is as different from
me as another species, and a lesser one. This is the ultimate (so far) realization of my contempt fetish, a fetish I have been struggling with for a while now.
(Last autumn got me to the point where I had come to terms with it- but I needed this event\/ chemistry\/ evolution arc to finally embrace it, make it part of me.)
My world is a clearer place. Decisions are made without struggle, without
conflict. My inner voice is stronger, clearer, and far more demanding,
unburdened by illusions of ‘equality”.
Co-existing peacefully in my core self are two twin statements:
She is smart as hell, tough, capable, a person I have genuine regard for, or
else I would have nothing to do with her. A wise person (the same servant)
once pointed out to me that sex is something shared between peers, and it’s
true- anything less is sullying oneself.<\/EM>
Simultaneously:
It is an animal. If it pleases, it will stay my animal. it has a place, and
it needs to be mindful of that place. The best it can hope for is that I
might have use for it.<\/EM>
This is a good place to be. it’s not a philosophy, it’s a state between the
two of us, the best realization of our vastly imbalanced power dynamic. My
worldview has changed- it has given me what I was missing, even dealing with
other servants\/ trainees. Places where there were holes in my confidence
feel changed, reinforced, whole.
“If you want someone to know their place, then treat them appropriately so
they don’t have to guess.”<\/EM>
– Soulhuntre
“If you want to be served, act like someone who deserves service”<\/EM>
-Salsuginious
But those words were not enough- I needed to remember my own advice:
“You have to MEAN it.”<\/STRONG><\/EM>
<\/P><\/A><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"