I’ve been mucking about in a depression for almost a month now, and it was coming to a critical point this morning. Just… woke up black<\/STRONG>, and it was not getting any better. In the mail came the news I was expecting, what I was dreading. The Property has a buyer. I knew it was coming- my twin watched her dream get sold away, so I knew it was not going to be long. That’s the way these things work. It’s a long, terrible umbilical. <\/P> The hammer fell, and nailed me down but good. Straw- camel’s back. Critical mass. I was having trouble remembering why you have to try<\/EM> in the first place; just lost in my own head. I wanted to give up. I had enough objectivity to know I was stuck, that I had to do something<\/EM> to get out of the tar pit. The idea of going to see The Village and dinner came up, and I clutched it like a life preserver. My animal was trying to pry what was wrong out of me- but what was there to say? To speak it out loud would just have been diminishing- and I had already dwindled as far as I could bear. Get out. Look for signs. Find my center. That’s what I had to do, or I’d just sit at home and drink Drano. <\/P> So- out. The movie was pretty good, it was distracting- and it reminded me of a few important things. I was pondering them as we I’ve never seen Her for sale. And there were so many<\/EM>. She was in five or six places in the window, topped by a great brass version- head and bowl, sword and tusk, skirt of hands, necklace of skulls, foot on her consort, fangs and tounge.<\/P> She’s 1800$. I can do that, eventually. I bought one of the smaller ones for $20<\/P> More than that, she was there when I needed her to tell me a few things:<\/P> “My children live<\/STRONG>. With gratitude for every sunrise I let them see, they live. They weep. They bleed. They rage. They burn. They die. They dance. they fuck. They roar. Before me, they crawl.<\/EM><\/P> But they do not snivel<\/STRONG>. <\/EM>So shut the fuck up.”<\/EM> Everybody pays.<\/STRONG> <\/P> It’s just my turn. <\/P> And- until I am before Her, I will not crawl<\/EM>. So fuck this. And fuck anyone in my way. I have a long way to go before I get Home, and I am not troubled by the idea of stepping over as many bodies as I have to.<\/P> “Farewell happy fields Milton- Paradise Lost<\/STRONG><\/P> —–<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/562"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=562"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/562\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=562"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=562"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=562"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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found Her.<\/P>
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She has given me more than I have ever deserved. She has given me more than many people will ever see. I have wasted many more chances than most people will have ever had. I have been blessed<\/EM>. I even have someone to bleed with. I had forgotten all her gifts. <\/P>
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Where joy ever dwells, hail horrors, hail
Infernal world, and thou profoundest Hell
Receive thy new Posessor.”<\/EM><\/P>
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<\/P>
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<\/P><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"