{"id":568,"date":"2007-09-15T20:19:41","date_gmt":"2007-09-16T00:19:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/innuendo.foolish-house.com\/items\/date\/2007\/09\/15\/doing-time\/"},"modified":"2007-09-15T20:19:41","modified_gmt":"2007-09-16T00:19:41","slug":"doing-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/2007\/09\/15\/doing-time\/","title":{"rendered":"Doing Time"},"content":{"rendered":"

So, progress<\/strong>. <\/p>\n

Like everything else right now, it’s all agonizingly slow.<\/p>\n

The most important element is one that has surfaced in a few ways, emerging from different cyphers until even I could no longer ignore it. The depression has rolled back a bit as the pain has eased – still hovering, but no longer defining me. <\/p>\n

But that’s the question- a question of definition<\/strong>. If not depression, then what?<\/p>\n

It was pointed out to me in a conversation with Ken Soulhuntre<\/strong>, who was once again <\/em>there when I needed him, that it’s not external definition <\/em>that has changed; it’s the internal definition<\/em> that needs updating. An overhaul of Avatar. It’s not masculinity, virility – that was an outside definition, and my physical changes scarcely touch my self definition in terms of how I defined myself to the world. But to myself<\/em>? Bigger issue.<\/p>\n

I’m getting closer to addressing the idea of the voids in my life, of taking people into my service again, on a short term basis. But to do that, I have to be aware of what I have to offer, and what I don’t. I have to learn to walk again, in more than one context.<\/p>\n

I have to adjust the internal avatar to match the outer a little better; to embody what I do <\/em>offer more fully rather than mourning what I don’t<\/em>, in order to be able to offer anything at all<\/em>. Which means I have to shake some ghosts.<\/p>\n

And I have to remember that all healing takes time<\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, progress. Like everything else right now, it’s all agonizingly slow. The most important element is one that has surfaced in a few ways, emerging from different cyphers until even I could no longer ignore it. The depression has rolled back a bit as the pain has eased – still hovering, but no longer defining […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/568"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=568"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/568\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=568"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=568"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/foolish-house.local\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=568"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}