Recently my animal was asked what the terms of our contract were. She answered “None. We have no contract.” This has come as a surprise to a lot of people, and a few months ago it would have been unthinkable to me.
She asked me how I’d describe it. “organic” was my answer. The best term for a process as natural as bleeding, as inevitable as sleep. You can put it off- but you can’t be alive without it. That term was taught to me in October by my twin; but at the time I had no way of understanding it. I was approaching it from the outside- sometimes I still find myself there. Old habits die hard…. but when I catch myself Doublethinking and Newspeaking, I can now shut it down and just be.
At MaST meetings, I used to identify myself as a Trainer. Now I know myself as an Owner. I have found a satisfaction in Ownership that I did not previously understand; that it is not a means to an end but a state unto itself, bearing it’s own rewards – if you let it.
“Night may come and clock may sound, / Within your shadow I am bound. ” Guillaume Apollinaire