One of the most famous sequences in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas revolves around Raoul Duke reassembling events from the ruins of his hotel room and some garbled, incomprehensible audio tapes. This felt like that. If there had been a tape recording, it would have included me waking my animal from her place on the floor by screaming in my sleep, and my animal trying to get me to eat a glucotab, and pouring soda into my mouth, trying to get me to look at her, to come back. When I finally opened my eyes, there was a can of Coke on the dresser, along with about a dozen bloody finger sticks. I was soaked, the bed was utterly sodden, black with sweat. There were two total strangers in my bedroom.
It was ten after four in the AM.
“Am I dreaming this? Who are these guys? What are they talking about? They seem nice, but they seem concerned about something…”
I saw the look on my animal’s face, and things started making more sense. She was talking to the EMT’s. She looked upset. And I was wet. All over. My eyes started to focus, and I staretd to get some idea of what was going on. The EMT’s were in my bedroom. Working on me. This was not good.
I had gone to bed about midnight, after an 11 hour stretch at work. Work had been tough, and tricky on the blood sugar. I felt like hell. Then- nothing, until I saw the EMT’s.
This has never happened to me before. The EMT’s told me that was pretty amazing, but I know why- it’s because I am trying to keep my blood sugar down now, so I am living much closer to the danger zone, which is much scarier than I ever knew.
I’m here. I’m alive. I’m fine.
I’m looking for a job that won’t make me sick. I have a friend I can forward my resume to, she has a friend who is interested. This morning when my animal asked me to describe how I felt, I told her that I felt like I had eaten poison- that all of me hurt, in a horrible, unspecified way. That feeling has passed, leaving me exhausted and sore, but OK. The bed is still wet- it looks like someone dumped a full trashcan of water over it, but it’s drying.
Tomorrow I go back to work.