Back.

This has been a long, unpleasant few months. The job I had was draining my life, health and strength. I was a walking zombie for most of the summer, most systems shut down into a purely wretched survival groove, which had been deteriorating into a depressed spiral. All the ballast had been thrown overboard into just making it through to the next paycheck, and trying to make myself not give up.

I realize now there was a reason for all this- but not one I could have seen at the time. Coming back into the 9-5 world was a real blow to my pride for a while, and that pride needed to be ground down a bit before I would view an opportunity with any enthusiasm or gratitude- so Mother rubbed my nose in it for a while, until I thought I was going to crack. Then, aid came from an unexpected place- an aquaintance of mine from TES, stacina/bratticus_finch (check the friends list). recommended me to her boss for an opportunity coming up. I grabbed a chance to interview- and it looks like a great fit.

Problem solving, motivating and prioritizing people. A strongly social position, highly visible. A starting salary 12K better than the last office gig I had, and better benefits and health coverage than I’ve ever had. Great hours. Some travel. Even the commute rocks. I start Friday, Oct 1st. Fall has always been my best season, one way or another. I gave my notice in the shithole I was working in, and gave them two more 6 day weeks. Promptly, my best friend offered me a week long gig working in his office for nearly twice what I’d be making in The Hole, working in a comfortable office, with him.

I jumped at the chance… and stopped. I just could not do it. I wanted to. I hated these people, the life they were stealing from me, the way I felt phsically and emotionally at the end of the day, being treated the wayt I was, doing a filthy, no-=brainer job.

But they had not screwed me.

Despite all their other faults, they were honest and treated me pretty fairly. I had promised I’d work the two weeks. I said I would.

So I did. A very long two weeks they were- they worked me like a goddamn mule, so that they could get enough done that they would not have to hire someone immediately, but coast along until the zoo shipped them another chimp to do the job.

I’ve been out two days, and I already feel more like myself- enough so that I realize that I have not really “been here” for months.

To Stacina: Thank you for looking out for me. Sometimes I don’t even know when I have a friend.
To Mother: Thank you for the lesson. It sucked enough to humble me, and allow me to view an opportunity with enthusiasm and gratitude I never would have had three months ago.

To my Animal and my Twin, and the others whom I have disspeared from while they might have needed me:

If you needed me and I was not there, it was never that I did not care. It was only that I had nothing left to give, although that is no excuse.

I cry your pardon.