I don’t know what to do with anger.

In The Doubtful Guest by flagg11 Comments

I don’t anger easily, and I am often at a loss regarding how to handle it.

Right now, I am channeling rage. Old rage.

I met with someone I had pushed out of my life about two decades ago. I’m sure she thought it went well, that a new era of love and acceptance is being heralded in.

Good for her.

I am choking on my own bile. I want no part of her, want to offer her no part of my life. The fact that she appears to have suffered over our parting does not mollify me, it enrages me. My inner voice says “You have no right to bleed over this. None. You got what you wanted- fuck you if you regret it.”

It’s not fair, or objective. It’s not reasonable or balanced.

It’s old, and it’s furious, and it does not forgive so fucking easily.

If at all.

  • no words to make it better, no words of sage advise, there are none. Just know that you are in my thoughts and i hope that all that you are feeling passes quickly without leaving too much damage to you in it’s wake.

  • Let’s get her to The Eagle and toss her off the roof!

    • :snicker:

      An interesting prospect- but I am apparently endangering all of TES with my misogynistic chick hating, so I’d better not comment.

      • Re: :snicker:

        Well, thank goodness there are ever-vigilant finger-waggers out there to keep monsters like you in check. Justice prevails.

        • Re: :snicker:

          Intriguing…

          I guess the appropriate response of anyone who offers an opinion outside of the pack (i.e. groupthink) is to attack them personally rather than debate the issue.

          Fortunately my “intrusion” has inspired a less violent response.

          • (sorry, I couldn’t help it)

            Let’s throw Alan off a roof!

          • Re: :snicker:

            Ah, now comes the claim of the unjustified personal attack (while in the same breath is lumping everyone else but him as part of a pack). Hmmm, what is the subtle inference here when the words “pack” and “attack” are used in the same sentance? “Attacking pack of… wild dogs”? Of course! Attacking pack of wild dogs=bad guys. Someone with an opinion being attacked by pack of wild dogs must = good guy. I get it.
            If Alan gets tossed off the roof, it will only add to his justification for being the poor victim again. So I must decline my participation of that ritual so I won’t be part of stoking the flames of his life-drama. Since negative attention is still some attention, I’m reluctant to offer that.

      • Re: :snicker:

        no, no, it’s fine to hate *particular* chicks, even *lots* of particular chicks. It’s only hating *all* of them that’s misogynistic.

    • That was damn funny.

  • I wish I had some sage words to give you that would help you…but I don’t. Please just know that you are in my thoughts and I’m hoping that you find some way of axing the whatever-it-is (relationship-wise, not the feelings). I tend to keep people at bay who have betrayed me in ways, and even if some come clean….somehow that’s not enough.

    Know that you are cared about …. a lot.

  • Draco suggests microwaving her dog – but then, that might fall under misogynistic behavior…

    However, coming from a person who DOES deal with this rage – he suggests strongly that you find something to take the anger out on or it will kill parts of you. Burn something…go to a junkyard and purchase something that you can then bludgeon repeatedly until it is in pieces – they may even let you do it there, so no cleanup. Barbie dolls (but that might be perceived as woman-hating again, damn)…but, the point is, release the rage onto something. Allow the destuctive energies to eat up something other than yourself – especially as you do not seem as if you would like her to have that kind of power in regards to yourself.

    From the feminine perspective, the comment “I want no part of her, want to offer her no part of my life.” makes me wonder if you feel as if you have to. If you do feel that way, find out why. Because that falls under ‘limiting your options’ – which is terribly high on the list of “what not to do in speech or actions when dealing with Flagg”.

    For me, personally, that type of feeling usually stems from a hatred of my own choices/actions in the situation – I then give said person an ‘invitation to life’ – ie: out of mine and take ownership of my anger and resolve it. Many times, like Draco, that resolution involves fire and some sort of effigy destruction to put it outside of myself as there are so many laws now that countermand the “he just needed killin’ ” one.

    The biggest point though is to NOT let that anger eat up at you like a wildfire out of control – focus it, burn with intent and walk away leaving nothing behind. You don’t have to forgive to release the anger, you just have to direct it. as Draco states, Fuck forgiving, forgive my ass – take the anger, direct it, aim it let it out and then forget about it. Move on and don’t let it or anyone hold that kind of power over you.